hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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