the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
