Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
