i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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