I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
