If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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