3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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