I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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