In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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