I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
