So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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