break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
