I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
