and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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