So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
