one two three fourrrrnication!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
