New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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