You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
