His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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