We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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