no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
