Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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