we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.