Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles