Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT