he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.