I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
