I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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