Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"