My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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