I need to stop coming to work sober
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
