have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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