But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
