I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
