i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
