I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
