I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
