i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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