it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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