I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
