Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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