it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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