you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
