I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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