i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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