I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
