About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
