what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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