Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
