He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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