my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
