Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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