Kareoke will never be a sober sport
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
