I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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