and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
