Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
