Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
