Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
