so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
