Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
