I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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