the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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