i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
