My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
