I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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