I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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