Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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