No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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