i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
