I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Randomize
