you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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