my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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