Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
