hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
