Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
