I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
