Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
