you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
