We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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