So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He shit in the fireplace
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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