how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
