the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
